Thursday, 15 February 2018

Midnight Rumblings

And the night is here...

Dark yet radiating with the velvety hues.

The silence has enveloped my surrounding

I toss and turn -

Missing your warmth beside;

Filling the vacuum with your rhythmic breathing.

It could have been a special day -

Another sweet night; dreamlike.

But it's not!

For I miss you and feel empty

Like the sky on a no moon day.

I feel like the stagnated water; 

Waiting to ripple.

I glow though as your memories run in my mind,

Succumbing to nonchalance;

Hoping to hold you tight at least in my dreams.

Like the tiny illumination in the corner of nowhere.

I smile - surprising myself;

I realise what a natural part of me you've become.

Nothing is real and the surrealism is a temptress.

The night is giving way to the dawn;

I feel peace taking over me.

I count each second as the butterflies flutter within.

And I wait...

To taste sweetness of your presence again!

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Until I Met You...

Until I met you
I didn’t realize that I could be loved too.
Love could mean happiness too;
Togetherness too.
I didn’t know love could be mutual and forever too!

Sunday, 28 January 2018


Deepika Padukone, Shahid Kapoor, Ranveer Singh
Aditi Rao Hydari, Jim Sarbh
Sanjay Leela Bansali
Sudeep Chatterjee
Background: Sanchit Balhara
Songs: Sanjay Leela Bansali
Jayant Jadhar, Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Akiv Ali
Bhansali Productions
Viacom 18 Motion Pictures
Release Date
26 January 2018
2 Hours & 44 Minutes
Sanjay Leela Bansali’s magnum opus Padmavat (formerly known as Padmavati) is a poetic presentation of the valor and glory of the Padmavati, queen of Chittor who defeats the ruthless Delhi Sultan Alauddin Khalji with her resolute demeanor. The movie is loosely based on the poem written by Sufi poet Malik Muhammad Jayasi in 16th century, who praises both the beauty and courage of the Rajput queen who lived in 13th century. There are a lot of controversies relating to the poem itself; if it is a fragment of imagination or narration of real life incidents. Having said that Padmavat is a celebration of womanhood which highlights strength of women and the heights she could go to protect her self-respect and honor! Each frame is rich with not only grandeur but also with convictions.
The dialogs for the film (written by the direct in association with Prakash Kapadia) are amazing. They describe the glory of Rajput, cunningness of Alauddin Khalji (Ranveer Singh), helplessness of Mehrunisa (Aditi Rao Hydari) and the shrewdness of the eunuch Malik Kafur (Jim Sarbh). There are several moments where we hoot and clap. The movie celebrates the glory, courage and honor of the Rajput. Ironically, the protests were going on because the activists believed that the movie demeans the Rajputs! The cinematographer has brought the bygone era with splendor and opulence. It is impossible to take eyes off the screen or be amazed at the level of detailing that has gone into each frame. The background music often gives goosebumps, elevating the mood and evoking the right emotions. The songs are catchy and Ghoomar leaves us speechless. At 164 minutes, the movie indeed feels a little stretched, especially in the first half, considering we know the storyline including the climax! Although the first half concentrates on establishing the characters and the shades of relationships with each other, it seems exhausting. Even the richness seem to become redundant. However, the second half compensates and leaves us spellbound – climax specifically. The final dual between Alauddin Khalji and Raja Ratan Singh (Shahid Kapoor) could be blah and understated (because we have witnessed Bahubali of the worlds), but the impact that the actions of Rajput women create alongside is tremendous. There are multiple disclaimers in the beginning of the film about the historical accuracy and that the movie doesn’t encourage Sati/Jauhar (Self-immolation). However, the climax turns out to be a depiction of the power of womanhood, their courage and how they defeat the Sultan through self-immolation. Queen Padmavati self-immolates not because of fear or helplessness but to preserve her honor and dignity, to avenge the Sultan who not only hoodwinks her husband and kills in the battlefield, but also her soldiers. As she rightly mentions, the women fight the Sultan in their own way; in a way no one has fought before!
Ranveer Singh as the Sultan of Delhi is menacing and cunning. When he is onscreen, nothing matters – the richness, the beauty of sets or the brilliance of co-actors. Ranveer shines and mesmerizes us with his stellar performance. He is the best thing in the movie and he makes Padmavat a more compelling watch. Shahid Kapoor as the King of Chittor, a man with high values and courage, delivers a subdued performance. He is not timid, he is just helpless most of the times. Yet, he abides by rules and makes us feel proud. Deepika Padukone as Rani Padmavati is handsome. I know handsome is not the right word, but I don’t know any other word that describes her character or the way she has carried off herself. She is a go-getter and a no nonsense person who has the ability to motivate and persuade others, who is both beautiful and bold and teaches us how conviction can also defeat the opponent. A true hero. Who cares about the thesis relating to the factual accuracies and if Rani Padmati was reel or real? Because her story is appealing and still relevant; let’s just believe that she existed and that her traits exists in each woman’s heart forever.
In short, the movie is a true dedication to womanhood if not to the Rajputs or the depiction of Alauddin Khalji, as debated by historians and activists. It is worth your time and money. 3D only brings the characters and events closer to you though they had actually taken place nearly 800 years ago.
Take your family. Go for it. Feel proud and celebrate the heroism of Rani Padmavati!

Friday, 26 January 2018

Chapter 2

Karthik did not know where he was. It was only darkness around. He looked up and noticed that the sky had neither moon nor stars. He felt lost and hopeless. “Shakti”, he cried in despair. But he couldn't find her anywhere around.

Slowly fear started to engulf him; the darkness started to scare him less and her absence tortured him. Then, he saw a tiny light emanating from far end. He walked towards the light. As he neared the spot, he saw Shakthi.

Her skull was ripped open and her eyes were red with blood. She smiled and said, "I am going Karthik. You can enjoy your life. I will not trouble you anymore". Soon she vanished into smoke.

"Shakthi, don't go. I am sorry”, Karthik cried. He wanted to vanish into a smoke too. “Karthik… Karthik…” he heard her voice again. The sound which seemed to be too far away and feeble became clearer and nearer eventually.

With a shudder, he opened his eyes and looked around. His eyes were moist but he smiled with relief when he saw Shakthi lying on the bed. She smiled back too. He gently caressed her fingers. He saw that a tear escaped her eyes. He immediately wiped it off and said, "I am here Shakthi. Don't worry. We all are here. Sleep well. You will be alright soon".

She smiled again as she mumbled, "Will you be alright too? Will you not worry too? We are all here for you. Karthik…" In the mid-sentence she dozed off. It was very difficult for her to speak. Her mouth were dry and she had to think long to find the right words. Her head seemed to weigh a ton and even breathing was hurting her. But she had to reassure him. She had to let him know that she is there and she will always be there for him.

Karthik kissed her forehead gently and let his tears flow. Those tears didn't make him feel week, but strong. Very strong.

Each day in the hospital was an opportunity to rediscover each other. Karthik would tirelessly sit next to Shakthi, hoping that she would open her eyes. When she does, Karthik would be excited and reassure that she will be alright soon. He would tell her that doctor has said that she is showing a good progress. All along, she would be looking at him intently until she fell asleep again. He was living only for those few minutes when her eyes would be transfixed on his. Her silence and her reassuring smile was all he had. He realized the he could do anything for that and relentlessly wait for that. Sometimes, it would make him recall those days when they were still dating. He would wait for hours together just to meet her for a couple of minutes. The cycle seemed to have come a full circle. That’s the beauty of love, isn’t it? It lets silence speak too. It makes life worth living.

“Karthik, I am very sorry”, Shakthi murmured one day while oscillating between consciousness and unconsciousness. “I should never have fought with you. Blamed you. Doubted you. At least I should have been careful!”

“Shakthi, I should also have taken to meet your dad. I should have understood that you have lost your parent and that you are deeply hurt. Instead of being a moral support, I was in my own world without realizing that you are my world. Anyway, past is past. Remember that everything happens for a reason. All I want is you to get well soon which you will. I want my Shakthi back. I can’t imagine living without you”, he said.

A few minutes of silence took over the ICU ward and the only sound were the sobs in the middle of beeps of the sophisticated machines in it.

Then, they heard a mild knock on the door.

Thursday, 25 January 2018


“Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons.”
― Jim Bishop

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

Thaana Serndha Koottam

Suriya, Ramya Krishnan, Senthil, Sathyan
Karthik, Keerthy Suresh, Nandha,
Suresh Chandra Menon, Thambi Ramaiah, RJ Balaji
Vignesh Shivn
Dinesh Krishnan
Anirudh Ravichander
A. Sreekar Prasad
Studio Green
Aadnah Arts
Release Date
12 January 2018
2 Hours & 18 Minutes

My Thoughts
Thaana Serndha Koottam is Vignesh Shivn’s second directorial venture after the much loved and appreciated Naanum Rowdy Thaan. Apart from this, there are multiple other reasons why there were lots of expectations and hype around the film:
·         The full-of-life sodakku mela song
·         Interesting trailer which was sprinkled with clap-worthy dialogs
·         Suriya’s different avatar (read not as the angry and mostly shouting Duraisingam from the Singam brand wagon)
·         Senthil’s re-entry into the movies after a long break
·         Star value – Remya Krishnan and Karthik among many others
·         Storyline inspired by the Akshay Kumar starrer Hindi movie named Special 26 which was also much appreciated. In fact, Special 26 was inspired by the 1987 Opera House heist in Mumbai.
And the list just goes on…

However, what makes Thaana Serndha Koottam a blockbuster is the way in which the director has narrated the story and how he has reached out to the audiences with the simple/funny yet impactful as well as relevant dialogs. The characters’ graph and the back stories, ROFL moments as well as dialogs that evokes claps, crisp editing, picture perfect cinematography, brilliant and energetic background music further add to the all-round entertainer.

It was a delight to watch Suriya onscreen as Iniyan. As the name means, he was sweet and brilliant. He owns the screen inch by inch and carries the weight of the film without a tinge of hesitation. Remya Krishnan as the double faced angry-young woman named Azhagu Meena aka Jansi Rani was extraordinary. It was also a pleasure to watch veteran actors like Karthik and Senthil. Suresh Menon as the greedy officer Uttaman was apt. However, since his dubbing was done by director Gautham Vasudev Menon, it was impossible to reminisce the villains of kakka Kakka, Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu and so on.

The movie would have been worth 5/5 rating if the following two clichés were avoided:
·         The hero is the only physically fit man in the gang. All others are comedians or weak. I mean didn’t Thani Oruvan have a strong battalion? Isn’t that possible? Or do the heroes still fear that the supporting actors could overshadow them? Or should the screenplay writer should be blamed?
·         Is it mandatory that the hero (who is in a mission) has to fall in love within few minutes from the start of the movie? Should the heroin be used only for songs and some random out of context scenes?
But, these are minor hiccups which could be overlooked. After all, Thaana Serndha Koottam is a mass entertainer.

So, this festive season, take your family along and go for Thaana Serndha Koottam.
Because it is a feel good film with a social relevant storyline which also offers tons of rib tickling moments.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Thursday, 18 January 2018

Letter to a Friend

My dearest,

I know that life will not be the same without you. You are more a habit to me; a part of my existence now. But, as you say, everything that has a beginning has an end and life is nothing but a vicious cycle of beginnings as well as ends. Who knows? This could also be a new beginning for us. After all, I believe that no one could leave anyone. Definitely, you could never leave me. Because you'll be cherished for at least a lifetime and your memories will be treasured. Wherever you are, remember that I'll be there when you need me.

With love,

Your friend!

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Books - Soulmate!

“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
Jorge Luis Borges

Tuesday, 16 January 2018

Your Name

If my heart had mouth;
It would have uttered your name.
Dear, did you know that?

Monday, 15 January 2018


Words are not a perfect assimilation of letters.
They are not their shapes;
Or the color of ink.

Words are imperfect assimilation of thoughts.
They are the articulation of a little heart's beats;

Adorning the colors of many dreams.

Saturday, 13 January 2018

Sands of Time

Moving on is the beauty of life, isn’t it?
If the waves doesn’t mercilessly wipe away our footprints on sand;
We would forever be stuck in the sands of time!

Friday, 12 January 2018

Dancing to the Tune of Life

“Our biological rhythms are the symphony of the cosmos, music embedded deep within us to which we dance, even when we can't name the tune.”

― Deepak Chopra

Thursday, 11 January 2018

The Secret of Life

Close your eyes and smile.
Let the darkness usher you to the gateway of happiness;
That's where peace is.
And my dear, peace is the oxygen for your soul.

Think about everything you have.
Believe that dreams come true;
Miracles do happen.
After all my friend, your journey is unique.

Trust me, darkness will magnify even the tiniest light.
Hold on to that;
That's your inner light.

Because, that's the only secret make life beautiful!

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Peace Sounds Like...

Dearest, peace sounds like -
Your gentle breath on my chest;
Which emanates love!

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Stupid Me!

I unlock my phone every now and then to check if you have messaged me.
Of course you have not!
If you had, my mobile would have beeped.
Stupid me!

Monday, 8 January 2018

Chapter 1

“Shakthi, please open your eyes… Shakthi….” Karthik rested his head against Shakthi’s shoulder. He was battling with not only his tears but also with the fear of losing her. Life without her seemed unimaginable. The eeriness of the ICU ward was anything but threatening. Somehow, the place smelt of death – death of his ego. Yet, hope was spreading its wings, bringing the memories of the days of togetherness and joy. Karthik could not believe that it was only two years since he met her on his friend Prakash’s wedding. Shakthi’s grey colored half sari and the messy long hair would have gone unnoticed in the crowd if she had not asked, “What’s wrong with our bride?” overhearing him carelessly tease, “Poor Prakash is trapped now!”

Karthik never believed in love, commitment or marriage. In fact, he was like a bird who feared all of that. He was trying to establish a software start-up company at that time and was frustrated at the fact that climbing the steps to entrepreneurship was anything but easy. But, when he saw Shakthi, the second time while travelling in Chennai’s local train, he knew that she was meant to stay in his life; at least forever.

“I am sorry Shakthi. Please open your eyes”, Karthik murmured again. He didn’t know how much time had passed when he felt some slight movements from Shakthi. When he looked towards her, he noted that she was slowly opening her eyes.

“Did you get scared?” she asked. Her voice was feeble and her doe eyes teary.
“I almost died!” he replied.
“I love you”, she whispered
“Will you do anything for me?” he asked teasing her.
“I love you”, she repeated.
“Will you jump from the train?” he asked reliving that Sunday afternoon when he had proposed to Shakthi in the local train.
“I love you”, she said with a smile which only the feeling of homecoming brings.
“Hey!  What do you mean by that?” he asked; once again repeating Shakthi’s response from that Sunday afternoon.
“I don’t know. But I love you”, she said and touched his cheeks.

Meanwhile, Shakthi’s older sister Poorni informed the doctors that Shakthi has gained her consciousness. They came to check her and declared that there is nothing to worry anymore. She asked Karthik to meet outside the ward and said, “She has to be under observation for at least month in the hospital and she would need another six months to get back to normal. There are multiple fractures as you know”, she said in the professional yet compassionate tone. Karthik nodded, silently thanking all the Gods and guardian angels although he was an atheist.

“Karthik, sit beside me. Don’t leave me”, Shakthi mumbled as she dozed off. Her mother ruffled his hair with motherly care and Poorni offered to stay in the hospital that night with Karthik. He just smiled and turned away to look at Shakthi – his life. More memories came gushing towards him.

Wednesday, 3 January 2018

Polka Dots

The beauty of art is that it can take (m)any form!!!

As you know, I have always been keen and excited to explore new things. Art is a vast ocean and requires nothing more than one’s interest to invest some time in it; of course some money as well. But, the degree of satisfaction it gives is immeasurable.

I bought dot painting toolkit to make some bottle and canvas painting. I thought that mini canvasses could be made very beautiful with the dot painting and mandala art technique. But, when I realized that the same tools could also be used for nail art, I was elated.

I scrambled through my vast collection of nail paints, chose 3 colors – black, white and pastel pink. After making the dots and once they were dried, I also applied the top coat. Tada! My nails were ready!!! Try it out. It’s a lot of fun, I tell you J

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

A Perfect Shade of Grey!

You say that I see only white;
That you look at black also.
And I think that sums up our togetherness –
A perfect shade of grey;

The color of life!

Monday, 1 January 2018

Happy New Year 2018!!!

And here dawns another new year…
Bringing along hope…
Giving a purpose to dream; opportunity to retrospect…
And of course, to restart!

Isn’t that the beauty of New Years? A reason to look around, pause, think and act a little differently. This becomes more important because we often react and fail to sit back and think why we did what we did!

Ask me, and I would say, that’s exactly what I am doing now as I type and plan to do over this entire day. No, I am not talking about unrealistic and often unachievable resolutions. Instead, I am saying that we should just think if we need to change our perspectives, approaches and a few habits for a better living. Life is more about living in a way we want, right? We should never accept things for granted and make routine be the master of our lives!

Such days also comes with an excuse to call people who are now confined to our contact list and nothing more. Let’s decide together – we’ll meet people or at least make a call to them instead of letting “wassup” texts rule our lives. I think the sweetest sound is the voice of people and the silence of nature. Can the fanciest or the latest ringtones ever match it?

Indeed, many of us would have partied today (would be partying today) and let the intoxication take the better of us. That’s okay! But, can we also tell ourselves that this year we’ll focus on our health? Both physical and mental. Small steps like taking the stairs instead of the elevator, eating our meals on time, consciously reducing the number of cigarettes smoked, forcefully drinking at least two liters of water a day would surely bring visible changes to the body and brings an exhilarating peace to the mind. Can we try that? At least over this month? As I said, let’s take small steps. Let’s stick to one month plan for now, what do you think?

Another thing, I have noticed that social media and virtual connectivity has made us live a life different from what we are. Selfies and groupies mean more than making actual memories with people around. Looking at others’ statuses, posts and images or reading publicity-inclined news in the media only makes us feel insufficient or makes us crib. So, on a daily basis, how about noting down what made us happy that day? E-diary is fine. And, let’s not share that with anyone. Let’s not put down in the social media. Guess what? When we are genuinely happy and at peace, it would radiate through us. And, mind you, it’s contagious!

I am not sure if I am sounding preachy. I just wish that we love ourselves in as intimate way as possible. Such love would only multiply and grow until it extends to everyone near and dear to us.

So, let’s start this New Year with a positive note – with a smile. Let’s decide that we’ll love ourselves more and work towards our well-being for our own sake. Don’t mistake my statement for being selfish. No, I don’t mean that. I say, lets prioritize ourselves - our mental and physical health. It includes our loved ones too; their well-being and happiness. And as I said, our positivity and good vibes will surely make our loved ones feel good. And vice versa.

So, my dear readers, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
This year, lets focus on happiness; the inner happiness and not the social media kind of happiness. You know what I mean, right?

PS: I have decided to write every day and post everyday (like I once used to). Reason? It used to make me happy and give a reason to observe and think. Simple!!!! Small steps, as I said! J

Thursday, 28 December 2017

A Gentleman's Kiss!

“Guys who kiss girls on the forehead are the sweetest and the best gentlemen you can ever have.”
― Moosa Rahat

Saturday, 23 December 2017

Cz its Christmas!!!

This year has been quite interesting for this art addict. I explored zentangles and doodling became my favorite pass-time. And now, I am addicted to something new. Its nail art. These forms of arts gives a medium to quench the creative thirst.

Presenting the Christmas themed nail art.
Please share your comments…
I am waiting….

Wednesday, 20 December 2017

Inner Darkness

They say, embrace your inner light.
I say, embrace your inner darkness.
Soon, you'll get used to the darkness which would help you see even the tiniest of lights. 

Sunday, 17 December 2017

Coffee Time!

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”
― Jean Kerr

Thursday, 14 December 2017

You are the Dance!

“Life is the dancer and you are the dance.”
Eckhart Tolle
(A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose)

Monday, 11 December 2017

Blocking What???

Until you block their thoughts from your mind...
Blocking their phone number won't help!

Friday, 8 December 2017


amilies just happen.  Nobody gets to choose them. Of all the people, I know this pretty well. However, I have to admit that sometimes I don’t understand the concept of family. Does that only mean blood relations? If that’s the case, I have no recollection of my biological family. Aditya and Shraddha say that I was just two days old when they held me in their hands and brought me to our home. They say that I am that bundle of joy which not only brought them together but gave them a reason to move on in life. As far as I am concerned, they are my family; my life. The humble yet elegantly furnished 2BHK apartments in East Bangalore is my home. The balcony with grass carpet, several pots of plants and a swing is my favorite spot in the house.

Often I sit next to Shraddha on the beige couch in the living room or snuggle under Adi’s feet rested against a warm rug. Sometimes we watch movies together and I would be sitting between them; their hands around me. They never say no if I nuzzle their nose or ears. That’s what I love about them. They never get bored of me.

Sometimes when Aditya’s mother visits, she gets hysterical seeing me jump on the king sized mattress in the bedroom. She would shout at me and shoo me away. When I think about it, I realize that she has never beaten me up. Probably because she knows that her son and daughter in law would not like it. I am their baby and that’s what they call me. My name sounds so beautiful when they say it. It makes me feel like I could do anything for them; that I should listen to them.

When I am bored, I play with my toys or simply run around the house. When I am tired, I would sit in the balcony and observe Adi and Shraddha. I have to tell you that they look very good together. Adi is tall with a wheatish complexion and athletic body. He is a fitness freak. He never misses his morning jog with me. It is a delight to see him patiently tolerating my tantrums at times. His hair is always well-kept and I have to tell you that he is pretty obsessed with it. If Adi ever gets irritated by me, it should be because I messed his hair. And we all have a problem, don’t we? We often do what we are repeatedly asked not to do. More so when we also know that it is harmless! Another reason why I love to do that is because if Shraddha is around, Adi would give a desperate glance at her and she would start giggling.

I love that smile. In fact, I know each and every movement as if captured in slow motion. First, she would lift her right eyebrows and slightly nod her head. Then, closes her eyes until her smile becomes wide enough to showcase her perfectly aligned teeth. She would look down and move her head from left to right. Finally, she would look up and lock eyes with Adi for a micro second. And then, in a fake irritated voice she would say, “Baby! How many times have I asked you not to do it?” As soon as I hear that I would withdraw myself from Adi and snuggle under his feet until he gently touches me. Sometimes, if Shraddha is in a playful mood, she would also join in ruffling Adi’s hair. Adi’s helplessness would make Shraddha giggle. Then, she would kiss him on his ears and on my forehead. Shraddha is moderately tall and very petite. Her hair is short, accentuating her high cheekbones and sharp nose. Her beauty lies in her fragility.

Of late, I just sit on the balcony and stare at our family photograph hung in the living room. It was taken when we had gone on a road trip to Coorg. I hate long drives and road trips. But, Shraddha and Adi love it. And, I love to see their childlike enthusiasm while planning a trip and exploring new places. Sometimes, I sit in the front seat. But, mostly I stretch across the backseat with my favorite toy lying next to me. I also glance through the windows and see the trees vanishing rapidly. For a second they are just next to me. But in no time, they disappear. This nearness and distance would make me philosophical too. I mean, think about it. In life, some people come. They become integral part of our lives.  They start influencing our behavior and emotions. And boom! They just disappear like a firefly. But, in that limited time, they spread light and happiness; touch your soul.  However, those smiles and the related ideas of how they spread happiness seems likes a distance dream now. With each passing day, my life is turning into a nightmare for which there are two reasons.

Firstly, Adi and Shraddha don’t talk to each other anymore. If they talk, it would end up in a long and unpleasant argument. They watch no movies together or sleep in that king sized mattress. I miss snuggling next to them. Adi often comes home late and dozes off on the couch in the living room. Shraddha would remain distracted most of the times. Either she would be crying or remain irritated with almost everything. But, she never shouts at me. These days, she hardly sits idle. She would be trying new recipe and give everything to the neighbor’s maid. Next day the maid would be happily explaining how delicious the food was and how her children enjoyed it. Shraddha, however, would only be half listening, focusing on the new cuisine in progress. But, I would be in tears as a mute observer because only I know that Shraddha didn’t taste a bit of it. Neither did Adi. In fact, I don’t even remember the last time we ate our food together.

Secondly, I am feeling unwell; as if death is approaching me. I know that sounds weird. After all, no one knows when they would die or when anyone would die for that matter. But, I know. I feel like I am connected to some strange network which sends me signals of death. Well, death has never scared me. I think that the only truth and certainty is death. In fact, I don’t understand why people fret so much about it. If you ask me what is the most awesome aspect of life, I would say death! But then, I secretly wish that the connection sending these signals dies instead of me. As I said, I am not scared of death. But, I just don’t want to die now. If I do, Shraddha would be alone. But, isn’t death inevitable? Icing on the cake is that I don’t feel like eating anything. I know it sounds ironical. Still. How can I eat when Shraddha is starving; when Adi and Shraddha are fighting? Apart from being a silent observer, I wish I was deaf also. Having said that, I don’t think it would help. Melancholy has strange vibes. It always connects to the bleeding heart and ensures that you bleed to death. The home which was once warm and cozy has transformed into a mansion surrounded by cold walls; enveloped by eerie silence. But, silence doesn’t bother me anymore though they are always deafening. In any case, it is far better than the arguments between Adi and Shraddha.

“Dhachu, will you please get ready?” Adi requested after the afternoon brunch. Unmindful of Adi’s watchful yet concerned eyes, Shraddha continued to clean the sparkling kitchen.

“Are you listening to me? What is wrong with you? We have to leave in an hour. Otherwise it will be too late”, Adi pleaded.

“Adi, I am not coming. Baby needs me. I can’t leave Baby alone and go with you”, Shraddha said while rearranging the vessels in the cabinet.

“You are not a good liar Dhachu and you know that. Why don’t you look at me and tell me what is stopping you?” Adi asked while cornering her.

“Adi, when we knew that I could never bear a child, I suggested separation. You asked me to shun those old fashioned thoughts and told me that we are progressive enough to make peace with it, didn’t you?” Shraddha broke down. “Now what is suddenly wrong with you? Why are you behind my life and forcing me to do everything differently?” Tears escaped from her eyes like a prisoner freed from jail. Maybe it was the tone, I moved away from Adi’s feet and sat on the couch.

“Dhachu, I am not forcing you. I am only pleading. Please listen to me. I still say that we are not old fashioned. It’s been almost ten years since we knew that we can never have a child. After convincing you for a year, you agreed to adopt Baby. And now Baby is nine years old and almost dying. What’s next Shraddha? Adopt another one? Or mourn for Baby all our life? What is your plan? I have tried my best to explain why you should come with me. And I am tierd now. I am so very tired. Baby will also be gone. Then what? Tell me Dhachu. Please tell me. What will we do when Baby dies?”

“Adi, did you just say Baby is dying?” Shraddha’s voice was quivering and was barely audible. For the first time I understood why they were fighting. They were fighting because of me. I was the anchor that was holding them together. Now they are afraid that my absence would kill the relationship which they have lovingly built over so many years. It was not the first time Adi and Shraddha were fighting. But, I knew that this is not going to be similar to the arguments they have been having so far where Adi would yell and storm out of the house. I would run towards Shraddha and cuddle close to her. She would hug me with those slender hands and bury her face against the warmth of my body. Slowly, I would be feeling the hotness of her tears drenching my soul; tearing it apart. I would helplessly wish to tell her that everything would be alright soon. Or something like I am there for you. But, I would be too scared to move. So I would just rest my head on her lap.

“Yes, that’s what I said. Baby is dying. Its better you accept that fact, Dhachu. Didn’t we know this all along? Since the day we held Baby in our hands? Baby’s sickness is killing you. I cannot see this anymore. Please listen to me. Get ready and come with me. Trust me please. Will I do anything that would harm you?” Adi pulled Dhachu closer to him and she started sobbing uncontrollably.

I was in tears too. I wanted to run towards them and nestle next to them. But I didn’t want to do that. In fact, I wanted to disappear; like a vapour. I wish I had an Invisibility Cloak like Shraddha’s favorite Harry Potter. I silently walked across the living room and sat on the balcony. I noticed a young couple walking across the street. The man was holding a small baby whose excited eyes were wandering everywhere and the woman was carrying a couple of grocery bags. They were walking in silence, but there was peace. Unlike Adi and Shraddha, I thought. 

I do not recall when I fell asleep. But the sound of thunder made me jump and I rushed into the bedroom. I was so terrified that I crawled under the cot and fell asleep again. When I opened my eyes, there was only darkness around me. I did not know what time of the night it was. I searched for Adi and Shraddha. But, they were nowhere to be seen. However, I noticed that they had left food for me and I half-heartedly had that. A strange discomfort started hovering around me. It was past midnight and the signals of death reached out to me again; this time stronger than usual.

I restlessly started walking around our house. I was panicking and hoped Adi and Shraddha came back home soon. I knew that it was getting late enough to be worried. I once again stepped into the balcony and looked down. Except for a drenched street dog that was lying down miserably near the gate, there was not a soul to be seen anywhere. Rain water had puddled under the lamp post. A breeze ruffled the mango tree in the courtyard and a few twigs fell down and broke. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Did I hear a soft knock at the door? I turned back with relief. I rushed to the door and impatiently waited.

Adi walked in and I started jumping in joy. He then pointed his fingers towards the door and I saw Shraddha holding a baby in arms. Her eyes were swollen and I knew she had cried a lot. She looked at me with a smile and walked inside. I didn’t jump on her. I didn’t want to scare the sleeping baby. I followed her. She walked into the bedroom and carefully placed the baby on the bed. Both Adi and Shraddha sat on either side of the baby and I was uncertain about what I should be doing. Suddenly, I felt like an alien. I felt like I am not their baby anymore. Tears started to roll down my eyes.

Adi noticed it and he walked towards me. He drew me close to him and urged, “Baby, that’s Nainika. Promise me that you will be her big brother and take care of her. Come on. Come on. Give me your promise”. I promised him and he ushered me towards the baby. I have never seen a baby in such close proximity before. She was so tiny. So were her feet, fingers, nails, lips and ears. And eyes? They were like a thin line drawn across face. Her face was perfect round and hair straight. I knew that she would grow up to be more beautiful than Shraddha. Strangely, she looked like a miniature version of Shraddha – fragile. I rested my head on her little stomach which was going up and down to the rhythmic tune of her breathing. Of course, I didn’t let my weight bother her. I just wanted to feel her warmth. Shraddha pulled me closer to her and started sobbing again. There was a mix of happiness and sadness in her face. We sat there like that for some time. Later, when they went to sleep, Nainika was placed in between them. I looked at them with a sad face. I was about to turn and go to the balcony when they made some space for me. I carefully jumped onto our bed and happily laid next to Nainika.

I don’t know for how long I had been asleep. I opened my eyes and looked towards Nainika. Her tiny hands were holding my ears. I was afraid to move. I didn’t want to disturb her sleep. In fact, I didn’t want to disturb anyone in my family. I looked at Shraddha. And then, at Adi. Tears rolled down my eyes. I felt thankful and happy for having a wonderful family like this. I closed my eyes.

In no time, darkness shrouded and silence followed. Signals of death got disconnected. I was at peace.