Today, it is two years. But I am unable to forget the bitterness of failure. 21st January, 2011 will be remembered as a day that taught me the reality of life and the harshness it carries. It made me realize that life is not as ideal as we think. That day I fell and I was bruised. I cried. I cursed myself. I questioned the existence of an Omnipotent above us. I wondered if optimism actually works and if hard work has the ability to reap results all the time.
The failure came as a big blow in my life. It made me lose faith in myself. I lost hope in life and life in turn, ceased to charm me anymore.
A failure… An utter failure!
I failed in the final exams conducted by the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India. I was only a step away from becoming a CA when I fell abruptly. There was no one to lend a helping hand. In fact, I felt so lost that I was not ready to mend my bruises. I did a deep introspection to analyze what went wrong; why I failed. Didn’t I prepare well? Am I unlucky? Am I destined to be a Chartered Accountant at all? That day I shattered not only my dreams but also the dreams that my parents and loved ones carried.
I cried. I spent sleepless nights. I sat staring at the books for hours; the notes I made and the highlighting I had done.
“I will not write exam again. I can’t study it all over again”, I declared. My parents maintained their silence. What else can they do? They were subjected to a vulnerable and miserable condition without a word of caution.
After days of solitude and withdrawal from social circuits, I asked myself, “Am I a coward to accept failure?” The answer was prompt, “I am not!” Then, I took two months leave from my articleship and prepared for my exams. This time I didn’t expect any results. All I did was study; with the sole intention of renewing the friendship with those eight subjects. And when the July results declared me as “Pass”, I shrugged. This time I didn’t feel anything great about it.
Thus failure taught me the stark reality of life. It made me realize that nothing in life is permanent; neither success nor failure. It helped me see World in a wider angle.
Failure is not about failure per se! Anybody can fail, at any point of time. Real failure happens when we accept the failure… when we give up our fight to succeed… when we lose faith in ourselves… when we stop seeing dreams…
I agree that I failed. But, I never gave up. I tried. And when I tried the second time, I was not aiming to succeed. Instead I was working towards winning against failure. Both of these may seem to be same, but they are not. As I started working against failure, my determination found new heights. I worked harder. And finally when success befriended me, it didn’t go over my head.
Today I am proud that I am a Chartered Accountant. And that is it. I understand there is a life beyond that. I know my limitations and weakness. So, I try to focus on them. Thus, a failure… It made a man out of me, if I may say so!
And, after a gap of two years, today CA Final exam results will be announced. My prayers are there with them. And here I am wishing them – ALL THE BEST!!!