olitude is blissful when it is consciously chosen. It becomes a way of life and brings happiness. The joy of getting lost in thoughts… observing nature and people around us… watching the birds fly… dogs yawn… leaf’s dance to the tune of breeze… river tirelessly running to merge with the grand ocean… giggles of teenage girls and style of teenage boys.. Innocent smile of babies and cute smile of old ones and so on becomes admirable. It makes us feel good and life looks perfect in spite of the imperfections.
However, when loneliness is forced into us, it becomes torturous. Life would look like a vicious cycle of wakeup-eat-work-eat-sleep! We feel bored and monotony starts to affect us like a slow poison. Everything around us looks irritating. We begin to complain about everything – the rain, sunshine, nights, crowds, silence and so one.
As I look back, I can doubtlessly say that I have experienced both – solitude and loneliness. I have enjoyed being with myself and also hated it. I have yearned for a company and at the same time, celebrated the moments shared with myself.
But, like many others, I also didn’t realize what was happening. I was happy with myself – proud rather. New job, handsome salary, city life and what not! Life looked perfect. I packed my bags with excitement and hopped into the train day dreaming. I was excited about meeting new people, making new friends, exploring new places, and most importantly, live independently.
The first few months offered everything that I had ever dreamt of. Shopping till my legs gave up… walking till hunger strikes… exploring till there is no unknown corner in the city and celebrating life as if there is no tomorrow. I was happy and my happiness made my parents happy. Friends thought I have changed and I thought they have changed.
But only until the honeymoon period got over. They say that good things don’t last long. And I say so is happiness, needs and satisfaction! What makes us happy today may not make us happy tomorrow. Needs differ from time to time and satisfaction is highly subjective.
What looked like solitude became loneliness and I started feeling tired of my life. Imperfections looked magnified and happiness seemed to have ran away. I felt like giving up everything and hide.
I shared these thoughts with my parents. They told me that all I need is break.
So I took a few day’s leave. I came back home. Stayed with my parents. Spent time in my study. I skimmed through old journals, wore old clothes, ate food cooked by mother and went for evening stroll with father.
My friends were excited that I have come back home after a long time. They threw a surprise party for me and played my favorite songs. We gossiped, updated our lives and giggled like school girls. We had fun!
As my vacation ended, I packed my bags back to work. But I wasn’t feeling aloof anymore. I realized that everything remains the same. Insecurity, monotony and loneliness ran away through the backdoor as I stepped out of my home for second innings!
PS: This is written as part of Together (We are together in this journey)