There is nothing more enlightening than self-introspection, they say. I am still not sure how true or important that is. However, when I sat down and read all the posts that I have posted on October 26th over last five years, I think it makes sense. What’s the big deal about that date; this date? Well, my little baby blog turns six today!
I was reading what I have written on this special date over the years and realized that so much has changed. I have started writing and less. I spend less time with my baby. Does that mean I think less or observe less? Certainly not. I would rather say that I have become lazy over the years, apart from getting writer’s block every now and then. Long stories are replaced with micro-fictions. So are poems and haikus. But, my paintings have added more colors to my otherwise dull and dark life.
Sometimes, I think I lack clarity. Most of the times I wish I spend more time in romancing words, shunning the cynicism and laziness. These two feelings are a bane for a writer as much as they are for anyone. They do not let you do what you want, suffocating you with stories and thoughts that you wish to share. That’s when such special days play a vital role. They make you sit back and ponder. They force you to wear those thinking hats, peer through the spectacles and not stare at the vacuum but articulate. They remind you what you used to be and inspire you to give it another chance. Life is all about chances, isn’t it? The risks taken and mistakes made would be more memorable than the safe and laid back choices made. The light at the end of the tunnel and the smile that touched your soul would be remembered as a result of which the terrifying dark alley and the salty tears which kissed your cheeks would be deleted. Mind you, it’s a Shift+Delete!
Some people say that I live in the past. Many of us do, don’t we? Because it gives an opportunity to be creative and develop what-if scenarios. I am one among the many who likes to do that too. And who doesn’t like to rewrite or restart. They sound more positive than accepting failures and heartbreaks. It is an experience; a lesson taught. And present is all about evaluating them and consciously deciding to not repeat them in future. I might be a proud mother of Locomente. But, I am no saint. I have made mistakes. But, I carry them as scars which I am not ashamed of. I am proud of them because even the tantalizing moon is not perfect. No one is! Perfection is subjective; an illusion.
The last six years has been a learning ground for me. I have erred. I have been lame and even redundant. They taught me to laugh at myself and insisted that I can be a better person. At the same time, it has changed the way people look at me. Some people think that Locomente is my biography though I used to remind them that I have a personal journal for that. I tell them that if someone writes purely out of personal experiences, Agatha Christie should be serial killer and JK Rowling must be flying around on a broomstick. If that’s the case, what’s role of creativity and fantasy. But honestly, I don’t care anymore. I have realized that people comment, no matter what. Problem is we care for their comments and design our lives to get the best comments from them. Think about it – if not why “comment” plays a key role in all the social sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and even blog! There is always other side to the coin; good and bad coexist. Smartness lies in recognizing the grey area and accepting it.
More than once I have poetically explained how peace might feel like – “when silence speaks”. Sometimes, silence urges us to listen to details and understand the nuances otherwise lost in blaring noise. Most of the times, it could be so addictive that we might forget how sound could be. And that’s what has happened with me, I guess. I still love to romance words. But, it has become a private affair than a PDA. Do I detest PDA? NO. I love that. And that’s why I am letting my thoughts flow through my fingers and tap on the right alphabets although I know how incoherent I sound. After all, I know that all is fair in love and war. And I am in a war with myself wherein I force my thoughts to express my love for words.
Anyways, I have digressed a lot. That’s what happens when kids start growing up. After a point, we don’t know whether we should give due regard to their age or remain in a constant struggle to accept the fact that they are growing up with individual identity. I know that Locomente has an identity of its own - as a writer, dreamer and reviewer. I think I should not try to shrink that image; if not add more dimensions to it.
As a final note, when I was silent and unsure, whenever I came out of my shell and wrote something, my dear friends, you read; you commented. It means everything to me. Thanks for that. I dedicate this post to all of you who have spent their valuable time in not only reading but also commenting. You motivate me. You inspire me. THANK YOU again. Looking forward for at least a forever with you...
And… how can I not say this?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOCOMENTE!!!
6 years as Locomente… 2193 days… 1598 posts… 139 followers… 495k page views…
You mean a lot to me. You let me fly and remember that I don’t take you for granted.
As I always say, “miles to go before I sleep”!