I was listening to the soulful song by John Legend - “I give you all of me… And you give me all of you”. That made me remember the famous Friends title song which has these lyrics - “I will be there for you… ‘Cz you are there for me”.
Did you notice the pattern? They both talk about caring for someone and loving someone BECAUSE they care and love us. So the primary requirement is that the other person loves and cares. Then we choose to care or love them. It could also be like we care or love someone because they care and love us. Here we are talking about a relationship of equality. There is a mutual give and take. Emotions and expectations are not unattended. They are reciprocated and tended. That’s the recipe for a peaceful long term relationship.
However, we Indians are brought up under the generous influence of Devdas who doesn’t stand up for his childhood sweetheart when he should have. He runs away in a fit of rage and later turns into an alcoholic in the name of, “I will love only you until my death” and then boom! He dies.
Most of the Bollywood movies made in Shahrukh Khan era had similar storylines. Boy is cute and he meets a girl. Love at first sight happens. It doesn't matter if the girl is engaged or about to get married. The boy understands no boundaries and the girl is too young to understand what she wants. He pursues the girl with ease and charm. Right before the auspicious time for the wedding (muhurath), the girl realises her love and chooses the cute guy. Well, God only knows how because there would have been only few stolen glances and an awkward, “I love you” kind of situation until then.
Its even worse in South Indian movies. The hero would follow the girl endlessly. Pulls pranks and endlessly teases her. If that doesn’t work, he may scare the life out of the woman by writing letters in blood or even by trying to commit suicide! I mean, what’s that?
In the middle of all these chaos where the concept of unrequited love was glorified, and unconditional love was normalised. It was projected that love would supersede even if the couple had no money/source of income, no acknowledgment from family, not completed studies and so on. As the targeted audience for these movies were the college going kids, the main leads were presented as college kids themselves or even worse, school kids. By the end of the movie, they would be inadvertently married! And we are not shown how the life pans out after that. So, we don’t know. And we don't care because we are high on loooooov!
As a result, an entire generation believed that it is okay to love someone even when they don’t. We were alright to wait until their mind changes because at least in movies, by the climax, they were a couple. Only difference is our lives are not as time bound as movies. And we can’t wait forever. We can’t stay hopeful forever. Therefore, we need to be there for someone only if they are there for us or at least want to be there for us when we want to. I mean the feelings have to be mutual and not unrequited.
Maybe that's why focusing on self-love is more important. So is being self-sufficient. This will enable us to be evolved enough to attract similar people. This is a pre-requisite af holds relevant for both romantic and other relationships.
Nothing could go unrequited. That is not normal. Let’s stay away if we are treated badly, emotionally or otherwise.
Oh these songs! They really carry more meaning and depth
than we thought they did, don’t they?
There is an ocean of silence between us. I am drowning in it.
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