Saturday, 13 October 2012

I wish someone told me…



I occupied a window seat in the bus. The bus driver was ruthless. He drove in a vigorous pace. I found that people standing were not only clutching the rod, but also their life. There were many sudden brakes and honking never receded.  I heard people complaining about how rash the driver drives. But I had no complaints. I just observed. I had no desire to live. I did not fear death. I realized that I am moving with the flow.

Life has not stopped charming me. But, I have freed myself from the shackles of relationships and bondages. It was not easy, let me tell you. I still wish to be there beside my aged mother and unmarried sister. But, I am here in the bus, travelling all alone to serve in an old-age home; to be a part of the old-age home.

But who am I?

I am an old man, who has crossed good sixty years; a senior citizen in terms of the Indian Government. I am almost bald with a beard. The remaining hair looks silver. And today, I am on the way to an old-age home.

I have six brothers and two sisters. I was working and earning enough. But, I failed to save. I lived life King size.  I was happily settled with my sister and mother. I was content by serving them with tasty food and taking care of them.

Everything was fine until I was earning. I used to be extravagant, buying goodies to my sister and mother. But, how long can a Company retain me. Thus, I retired. And ah! Problems started… My sister was unhappy. My aged mother thought that I am being a burden on my unmarried sister.  I continued to cook and tried to please them. But, they thought I am drinking their blood.

My brothers and their wives were not ready to accept me into their nuclear family. I had no savings to lead a life of my own. My sister and I were the only unmarried lot among the nine siblings.

I thought and understood that I cannot blame them either. I didn’t want to be an intruder and an unwelcomed guest. But, where would I go? What can I do?

During my younger days, I used to wonder if marriage is the only purpose of life. When my family compelled, I argued. As years passed by, I was freed from the tag of “Eligible Bachelor”. I was unconcerned and wandered as a free spirit. I had no commitments and no obligations.

And now, I am sitting in a bus, penniless and with no soul beside me to hold my hands… Nobody to hear the silent cries… I am alone… I don’t think money can buy me a friend… And even if money can get that for me, I cannot afford it…

At this stage of life… I am lying to myself that it is alright to be alone… After all… We were born alone… We will rest in peace alone… I am lying that I have made peace with myself… I am lying when I tell myself that all the decisions that I made were appropriate…

I am lying to myself…

Because…

I wish someone told me in a stern voice, “You should marry”. At least my parents should have said that… I wish someone told me in a concerned voice, “you better save something”, At lease my sister could have said that…

And I wish I had a better-half too… She would have filled the vacuum that I am feeling right now… She would have stood by me… I would have been rich… Rich at heart at least…

2 comments:

  1. Wonderfully conveyed ... you have portrayed loneliness so well !!!

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