I
occupied a window seat in the bus. The bus driver was ruthless. He drove in a
vigorous pace. I found that people standing were not only clutching the rod,
but also their life. There were many sudden brakes and honking never receded. I heard people complaining about how rash the
driver drives. But I had no complaints. I just observed. I had no desire to
live. I did not fear death. I realized that I am moving with the flow.
Life
has not stopped charming me. But, I have freed myself from the shackles of relationships
and bondages. It was not easy, let me tell you. I still wish to be there beside
my aged mother and unmarried sister. But, I am here in the bus, travelling all
alone to serve in an old-age home; to be a part of the old-age home.
But
who am I?
I
am an old man, who has crossed good sixty years; a senior citizen in terms of the
Indian Government. I am almost bald with a beard. The remaining hair looks
silver. And today, I am on the way to an old-age home.
I
have six brothers and two sisters. I was working and earning enough. But, I
failed to save. I lived life King size.
I was happily settled with my sister and mother. I was content by
serving them with tasty food and taking care of them.
Everything
was fine until I was earning. I used to be extravagant, buying goodies to my
sister and mother. But, how long can a Company retain me. Thus, I retired. And
ah! Problems started… My sister was unhappy. My aged mother thought that I am
being a burden on my unmarried sister. I
continued to cook and tried to please them. But, they thought I am drinking
their blood.
My
brothers and their wives were not ready to accept me into their nuclear family.
I had no savings to lead a life of my own. My sister and I were the only
unmarried lot among the nine siblings.
I
thought and understood that I cannot blame them either. I didn’t want to be an
intruder and an unwelcomed guest. But, where would I go? What can I do?
During
my younger days, I used to wonder if marriage is the only purpose of life. When
my family compelled, I argued. As years passed by, I was freed from the tag of
“Eligible Bachelor”. I was unconcerned and wandered as a free spirit. I had no
commitments and no obligations.
And
now, I am sitting in a bus, penniless and with no soul beside me to hold my
hands… Nobody to hear the silent cries… I am alone… I don’t think money can buy
me a friend… And even if money can get that for me, I cannot afford it…
At
this stage of life… I am lying to myself that it is alright to be alone… After
all… We were born alone… We will rest in peace alone… I am lying that I have
made peace with myself… I am lying when I tell myself that all the decisions
that I made were appropriate…
I
am lying to myself…
Because…
I
wish someone told me in a stern voice, “You should marry”. At least my parents
should have said that… I wish someone told me in a concerned voice, “you better
save something”, At lease my sister could have said that…
And
I wish I had a better-half too… She would have filled the vacuum that I am
feeling right now… She would have stood by me… I would have been rich… Rich at
heart at least…
Wonderfully conveyed ... you have portrayed loneliness so well !!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Amrit :)
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