She did not want to know how she was feeling at that time; neither was she ready to acknowledge the fact that she was self-pitying herself. She wanted to face it and get over it. After all, she knew her life was pathetic - Disturbingly pathetic.
At twenty eight years, she was earning handful… her job was rewarding and satisfying… her parents were supportive and loving… But, still something was missing…
For the past five years now, her routine had been the same … Wake up-eat-work-eat-work-read-write-sleep… With each passing years, she was growing more and more withdrawn. There was no one as friend, well-wisher or confidante. There was no one in her life. All had a life of their own; they had their own professional life and personal priorities. Sadly, she didn’t fit into either.
She pined for happiness. She longed for a family. She desperately wished to settle down in life. She forced herself to move on. She compelled herself to forget him.
She failed. Se fumbled. She felt crumpled.
To her own disgust and parent’s worry, she hoped and wished that he would change… that he would come back soon. Though she very well knew he never would. She knew that he was selfish and that she was being selfish too.
Six years of separation has not made things better. In spite of lack of communication and that fact that he has had multiple flings, she waited. If all had to end and the relationship was meant to go nowhere, why did it began, why did love bloom? Why dreams were seen only to be shattered later?
Her dear friends were either married or parenting or expecting. She started growing jealousy of them. She feared if she could ever have a normal life too. She felt scared that she hurt her parents to an unpardonable extent and would die alone like an abandoned orphan.
Her best education or the fine intellect didn’t do any good to her. She was just proving to evolve like any other illiterate and dependent rural girl. The disgust was becoming intolerable. She wanted to strangle herself to death. She wanted to escape the cruelties that life casually offered.