Beyond Myself

It has been ten years since marriage. Her family ridiculed her due to her inability to procreate. Half a decade ago, she was told that the problem lies in her. That little piece of information didn’t deter her husband. He continued to care and feed her.

“I married to part from you by death and not by choice”, he always used to say.

Her husband was ready to adopt a child. But, his mother had said, “I will not let that happen till my death”.

At 36, he looked athletic and healthy. His family persuaded him to marry him. She agreed to give divorce by mutual consent. They belonged to a rich business family and he was their only heir. But, he denied.

“Beta, you come back to our home. We shall take care of you”, said her mother that afternoon. It was her birthday and her parents had come with home-made sweets. She was their only daughter too. Her older brother had died as a child by snake bite. They belonged to a wealthy business family as well and on her wedding, their businesses were merged into one. She noticed tears in her father’s eyes; tears of helplessness.

That night, she mixed sleeping pills in the Kheer made by her mother.

“Can I sleep on your chest”, she asked her husband. He agreed, though surprised.

He felt her hot tears in his chest when she uttered, “I love you beyond myself”. He kissed on her head.

“I love you too”, he said and smiled when he saw that his wife had fallen asleep.

In the middle of the night, he woke up with a shudder. Her body was cold against his. He observed that she has died in sleep.

The rituals followed.

Nights elongated and days haunted his. He looked like he had grown older in a wink. His eyes sagged and had dark circles. Her laughter echoed in his ears and vacuum filled within.

“Bhaiya, I found this letter under your bed sheet”, the maid announced one afternoon.

He opened. When he found that it is written by his wife, fresh tears rolled down from his weary eyes.

It read:

My jaan,

Sorries are not enough, I know. But, sometimes, we are forced to make harsh choices. You are my life, soul and beyond. I wish only happiness for you. I don’t want to be onerous and suck all your happiness.

You always used to say that you married to part only by death and not by choice. Today, I am choosing death. I pray for your happiness.

Please marry a suitable girl. My only wish is to be reborn as your child.

Love you forever.

Your wife.

He cried like a madman clutching the letter in his hand. The pain was excruciating. The golden days lived with his wife came alive in his mind like a phantasmagoria. Although their meeting were arranged by their parents, he fell in love with her at first sight. My soul mate, he had concluded that day.

But now, with his soul mate gone; his soul gone, he felt like a zombie. He lied on their bed and closed his eyes.

Then, he took his final breath.